Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Perfect Spacing

Ok, you have a baby, and within minutes someone is asking you, "So when's the next one?" I remember thinking, "The next what? The next poop? The next feeding? The next nap? Because surely you did not mean the next CHILD. Oh no you couldn't have meant that."

But they *did*-- crazy, huh?

Which means that for the past year, and especially after Paloma turned one, I have been madly trying to work out what the Perfect Spacing is. (Fortunately for me, I knew I wanted two, so I didn't have to go through the whole agony of whether I even wanted to conceive again.)

Things I considered with The Perfect Spacing:
- would they be friends/play together/have anything in common?
- would I be changing two sets of diapers at once?
- would I paying for two college tuitions at once?

What's too close? What's too far?

And then I realized with relief-- nobody the hell knows!!!

Sibs who are two years apart or ten years apart may play together-- or may not. One might have an outgoing personality, one might want to hole up alone with a book all day and night. I've met people who love being 3 years apart, others who didn't get along with their 3-year-apart sib at all. Some who were friends as kids, drifted as adults, and vice versa. Some who were eight and more years apart who became very close. I think you just never know how the personalities and the parenting will all interact-- the best you can do is love 'em all.

As far as diapers, I think I want to avoid two in diapers at once, so that puts me at at least two years apart (which, when Minkie turns 15 months in 2 months, is a non-issue).

As far as college costs, people tell me that if they overlap you get lots of federal assistance, but I am not counting on even low-interest loans in this crazy political climate. As much as possible, I just want to sock away cash. And I suppose that makes it look like I'm going for a four year sib split.

But at the end of the day, what I decided is-- I'm going to decide to have the second the way I decided to have the first-- when I damn well felt like it. :) You know, that intuition thing worked out really well the first time. I see no reason to abandon it now.