last night

"Let me brush your hair, mama," said S. I sat on the green, vaguely frog-shaped stepstool and let her gently gently brush my hair, and I felt I had all I needed.

plunging into the world of acrobatic gymnastics

The world of competitive sports is new to me. I danced through middle school, high school and college (and shoehorned in a class here and there during law school). I was in exactly one competition. My parents weren't the type to ask, "So, why aren't you joining the team? We really want to meet those other parents and do all that social stuff that accompanies kids' sports!!" Pretty much the exact opposite. So it was orchestra for me until I dropped violin, and then dance classes because I loved them so much and had a couple of friends who did it too.

I had a life-changing dance teacher during college. He left such an impression that I enrolled P in a kids' dance class when she was about 3, hoping that even this early exposure would give her some new knowledge of the amazing things she could do and express through dance. She seemed to enjoy it...until one day, she caught a glimpse of the acrobatic gymnasts practicing. P was transfixed, and remains that way today. Really! Her focus is remarkable.

She's joined an amazing team and has competed in exactly two meets so far. It's been a great learning experience for me from start to finish. I didn't know how she'd react or even how I'd be feeling.

I'll probably write another post about P and her developments in the sport. But here's the short story on what I observed about myself: Whether she got third or first place (she's gotten both so far), I felt no different. I just felt so happy watching her do something she loves to do, watching her make friends and develop maturity, and watching her reap the rewards of persistent hard work. Her triceps tell it all. (More than my own silent muscles.)

That was really interesting to me, to feel like the outcome that mattered most wasn't the score after all.

dadheartsacro! And West Coast Training Center spring round up

Reblogging (I know, it's a tumblr thing, but stick with me) from dadheartsacro, a fabulous new blog that you should follow:

 Come watch Acro athletes compete at the West Coast Training Center Spring Round Up 

in Livermore, CA 

on Saturday, April 5th.  

Doors open at 8am!  

Athletes from around Region 1 will compete for placement on the road to Nationals in Louisville, KY.

I need to add that I heart dads who heart acro and support their kids' sports efforts! 

Don't know much about acro? Here's a taste:

all that matters about today

is that at the end of it, my four and six year olds spontaneously decided to give me a neck and shoulder massage.

#TYZerlina

As usual, there's so much to say on this, but at the very least I want to publicly get this out there: Thank you Zerlina.

Volumes have been said about what happened to my friend Zerlina on Hannity, including by Zerlina herself. I'm going to let this "thank you" speak for itself.

And it's also prompting me to write something on the meta and personal side about speaking up.

Speaking up is a choice. Sometimes I don't do it. My blood pressure is so low and I don't get riled up that much over little things. And I do get annoyed at people who get really angry over little things and I don't want to be like those people. I know we all have our triggers, but. I try to keep my indignation and anger for things that matter most to me.

And, true confessions on speaking up: Yes, sometimes I get silenced by things that are meant to silence me, by things that are oppressive. It sucks!

When it comes to big things, though, I do speak up. But I have my own style. I'm not a hero feminist who has Slayed the Demons with her mighty Sword of Justice. I admire those women a lot, but my style isn't swagger. It's just not. And I actually like that. I like being careful with words, I like being diplomatic, I like the power of making a point incisively rather than bludgeoning the shit out of people. (Not that hero feminists do that either.)

Here's when I wield the scalpel: When I see something so wrong or unjust that if it happened to my family or to me, I'd want an ally. I'd want someone to be there. I can't imagine leaving someone alone, high and dry, without a public voice of support. To me, that's the best and highest use of my blog -- being there for someone else, building a community of support for someone who needs it.

My blog is my own place for other things too-- beautiful things, art of all kinds. That's deeply important to me, too. This is a well-rounded blog.

 And today I'm using it to say thank you, and I'm with you Zerlina. #tyZerlina. Don't stop.

argh (one of those posts)

I'm starting to feel a breakdown from not having quite enough time to blog as much and as well as I'd like (although I also think I need to dial down my filter sometimes, too). "Starting to" is the wrong phrase. This is a long-simmering problem.

I'm thinking about pretending that this is my tumblr since it feels so much easier to blog there sometimes.

I have more to say and time is up!! HA HA HA. Ok, this is blog is going to be an exercise in saying things fast.

creating the causes for goodness

“When you plant seeds in the garden, you don’t dig them up every day to see if they have sprouted yet. You simply water them and clear away the weeds; you know that the seeds will grow in time. Similarly, just do your daily practice and cultivate a kind heart. Abandon impatience and instead be content creating the causes for goodness; the results will come when they’re ready.”

—	Thubten Chodron, “Meditator’s Toolbox” Tricycle magazine

***
I read this a few times, then again slowly. Then again, thinking about parenting. The phrase "instead be content creating the causes for goodness" stood out.

And maybe I'll just stop there for now.