Tuesday, August 29, 2006

"Once a woman owns her life..."

"...she owns her birth." - Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa

I went to the Mother Blessing for me on Saturday, put together by Juli and Roxanne with Amy (in from NY!) and Sarah also in attendance. My mother-in-law Sharon and sister-in-law Kelly are across the country but participated by sending beads and accompanying notes. It was small but intensely beautiful and meaningful for me.

We started by snacking and painting onesies, which was a fun thing to do outside. Then we came in for the ritual portion. Everyone brought a bead, and as each shared the bead, she also shared a wish for me. It was so beautiful. I felt so supported. I received wishes to be who I really am; to feel supported and loved; to be proud and confident in my choices; to have patience, endurance and flexibility. I needed to hear all that so much!

Then everyone shared positive mothering stories from their own lives. That was beautiful, too. I heard about the grace and strength of the mother figures in their lives, which really impacted me in a positive way.

I feel like pregnancy has taught me so much in ways I never could have anticipated. And I am so grateful for the patient yet firm and insistent teacher it has been. It has forced me to confront issues and fears around motherhood. Fear of failure, of not being good enough or ready to mother, of "only" being a mother. I did confront those fears and issues head on. Now I feel ready to fully embrace motherhood with a delicious satisfaction, profoundly glad to have the opportunity.

The Khalsa quote at the top is one way to describe the gift pregnancy has given me. It has been a way for me to do what I've struggled for a long time to do, which is to "own" my life without apology, to be totally comfortable and relaxed in my choices. What a gift!