Friday, February 18, 2011

ok, a post because I have to

Like getting to the gym, sometimes you just have to publish a blogpost that you don't want to just to get yourself into the groove of doing it. I'm gonna be up front- that is what this post is.

After the zero-waste family post, I had a post written about the tragedy in AZ and some strong feelings on guns and suppression of political speech (mostly about guns suppressing political speech). And I had a post written about a fabulous local classical radio station, KDFC, going public radio on us. And some other stuff in the works. And now I'm annoyed at myself because I've kept pulling back from clicking Publish.

I'm writing this mostly way late at night, when the kids are in bed but I know they could wake up any second (most often to pee, and I'm all about supporting not peeing in bed, so I haul myself out of bed or out of my desk chair to help). Maybe I fear that what I write late at night won't sound as sane as Daytime WordyDoodles. Late at night is also a time I catch up on work (I try to have tea and clear my head for that).

And maybe, most of all, is the feeling that what I write especially about Arizona won't be full enough or precise enough. Just a watercolor painting of my thoughts and feelings from that terrible day. Maybe nothing earth shattering. I have this lip-curl thing going on as I write this-- meta posts are The Worst. Just write and get ON with it!! It's just a blog! But the thing especially about Arizona is, maybe there's a touch of intimidation going on.

And that REALLY bothers me-- to self-censor out of fear of the violent swaggering patriot types. I guess I'm tired of having to do the self pep-talk: "I'm a patriot too! This is a democracy!" and trying to shelve the fear of some looney with a weapon who disagrees with me but looooves the First Amendment (minus the separation of church and state clause, but anyway) and Second Amendment too. Can I get woot for the 3rd, 4th, 8th, 14th? Oh fine, and the 10th.

Ok. A slew of posts coming. I'm over it.